We grow up and have kids. That was what I had thought. Now that I am raising one, I'm convinced of quite the opposite. We raise kids and grow up. For me it was like the freedom I had never felt before, the freedom which was there but I never knew. At first, it felt like I was losing the rest of the world, I was missing out on everything I was doing. I was losing my identity, or was too overwhelmed not knowing who I actually was, struggling too hard to hold onto my old identity I had worked on for so many years to create.
I had chosen to stay home with my baby and raise him up. There were times when I had felt inert, dumb, isolated, lost, depressed, crazy. No matter how many books you read, get advices, it is different when you are alone with your own. As I was dwindling between the advices and my gut wisdom, I learnt to breakthrough and choose what the right thing was to do, only derived from the passion I felt for the innocent life. And there was no greater wisdom for me. It is hard for me to tell how such a vulnerable child can give anyone such a strong sense of strength and determination. No wonder people quote in different ways that you see God through a child and inevitably it is the most blissful thing you experience while raising one.
It is the hardest thing of course with the greatest of rewards. There is a saying that IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO RAISE A CHILD. Since we don't live in villages, many a times, we parents have to take the role of the village and switch among many identities. Parents do the most diverse jobs required of multi-talent without ever getting any certification.
The first two years I lost myself completely. I was only doing what was needed to be done and stopped asking questions. By the third, I was creating answers to all the question. By these three years, I had learnt to babble, make silly rhymes, chase around like animals and did them shamelessly. And the next minute I was answering questions meant for God.
In these three years, I had become like a tree. My feet were grounded and my hands turned into branches in all directions doing all sorts of jobs. However, the satisfaction was enormous, greater than myself. By now, I was quite comfortable in my shoes, and it really didn't matter to me, what the rest of the world was doing. I could quietly watch the seasons go by and enjoy them. I knew within myself, I will never lose my again. I did not need a designation to define myself or a trend to find my direction. I was free to choose to get in and get out not worried of rejection or loss. And that was my sense of freedom and I felt like living my life, I should be living in complete freedom of my mind, though my hands were tied.
I would no more be upset when I see people not doing the things they are supposed to do. I am not going to complain when things don't work my way. I have more room for people from other walks of life. At least I would try to listen, understand and put myself in their shoes before judging and criticizing. I was able to leave things without trying to understand or take control of. I would let life inside of me and around me flow through peacefully and comfortably. And there is my sense of freedom, which otherwise I would never have known, and a sense of appreciation to life mine and others around me irrespective of their doings and capabilities, an unexplainable sense of serenity for no reason.
Yes, the sky can be green, clouds can be blue, grasses can be orange, birds can have three legs, all the alphabets come with wheels and ladders.
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