Agreeing to Disagree

            Most of the words that start with 'dis' sounds like negative, like dislike, disappear, dissatisfaction, disturbing, distant, disability, disclose, discomfort and so on except for discount. One of them is disagree of course. We often feel that to be in harmony with somebody we need to agree most of the times. Agreement is the basis of any kind of relationship and we tend to depend on it so much so that anytime there is any disagreement we feel discomfort and discontent. The same goes with me and my son. I wish he could agree with me in everything. But even though a toddler he seems to have his own mind and when he means something he really does it so. I can try to explain things to him but discussing with a 4 yr old doesn't prove much of handy. The initial reaction is frustration. But, then later it just comes to the mind that it is just normal for two people to disagree. It is often a healthy process that we don't realize.

           Mostly in the traditional cultures of the  East, disobedience and disagreement to elders is often viewed as disrespect. It is only expected for the young to unanimously agree to the elders. It can be seen reiterated through the sacred texts or mythological stories and so it descends to the current civilization. The scale may not be the same but the values persist. How much of understanding can one generation have of the other when the youths of today have too much of external influence to tackle with the older generation hasn't faced? Well the answer lies in the question. Life 20 years ago is not the same as life today. The values and beliefs are shifting. The priorities are shifting. The question is should the elders still hold the rein for the young or let them handle it when they don't know the currents of wind where they are coming from. Unlike in the west, where the kids get on their own as soon as they are 18 or 20, the Easterners hold on to the parents as long as they can. It's like life and death relationship however the degree of power and control changes over time and age. That's where the situation of agreement and disagreement arises. Can we still be in disagreement and be in the relationship? To me, it should be. It is only healthy and normal to be in disagreement and at the same time be in strong relationship. 

           Everytime, I am in disagreement with my child, the last resort would be to yell to win, but later only to feel the embarrassment when the realization comes that he is the child not me. Yet, I'm only a human with only a certain degree of patience, I wish I had unlimited. But the motion out of a single emotion can be stronger than the gradual emergence of realization. So forth outbursts the signs of dissatisfaction. However, it does not take very long for a patch up to happen and in few minutes we would be playing and singing together completely forgetting how we felt a few moments ago. It is so sweet to have a relationship where there is disagreement but yet, it is so strong that the moments that come after the disagreement are even sweeter. The disagreement just depicts the intimacy of the relationship when it is viewed not as disregard but only the deep trust and reliance in each other. To be comfortable in disagreeing with each other is the measure of the depth of a relationship and the health it exhibits. Yet, it is hard to disagree with others as we feel we are letting go of the comfort zone. As we practice it more often, I guess we will get more comfortable. Said easily than done, having to live with someone who disagrees more often can be quite annoying. Reminds me of the friendship between the donkey and the Ogre in the Shrek. It's quite annoying but in a way very cute, isn't it and at times very emotional and deep. No matter how annoying the donkey may be he never leaves the Ogre and is always there for him. Isn't that sweet? 

           So, finally I'm trying to get out of my comfort zone and let the opposites find their own course and telling myself it's alright to disagree. To acknowledge of the disagreement is the first step towards resolving the conflict. Working on the alternative courses of action that has win win situation is next. But, if I don't take the first step, the next will never be taken. Therefore, "Disagreement" is welcome. I allow my dear ones to disagree and I hope I am allowed too. I am agreeing to disagree.